“I tend to push ’em ’til the pushing’s turned from hurting to burn”

Here I go pulling away from the few people I do have in my life. I find myself not wanting anything to do with my close friend. I would usually play video games with this person and talk a lot to them, now? Hardly. Who is to blame here? He is hardly around anymore and yet, somehow I feel the blame is shifted onto me. Somehow it feels like it’s my fault, that’s how it goes when it comes to me.

On the flipside, there is something beautiful with the comfortable silence with someone. A person who wouldn’t play games with me now does and it’s oddly weird and not weird all at the same time. It kind of came out of nowhere and of course, me being the wonderful person I am can’t help but think there is some ulterior motive. I mean, why now? Should I be happy or wrack up all this anxiety over it? I like this person, they know I like them but I told them a long time ago now….so let’s say it’s a big I don’t know.

To touch back on the earlier topic, there is something calming about being in a voice chat with someone and not having to talk the whole time or at all. I like the feeling that they are there but not feeling the pressure to say words that don’t matter. That silence is comforting even though other times(and I know it’s cliché) it’s very loud. Yet, when we really are silent, I yearn to breakthrough…even if it’s a hello. I refrain most days from talking to them, don’t want to be annoying of course. I don’t know, maybe I should try more.

Do I keep going with this new thing? Well, here’s to going with the flow!

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