Well another birthday has come and gone, the big 2-9, no one says that about 29. No one seems to care after 21, at least not until you are 30 and every decade after that. It was a nice day at least. I had to help out my little brother’s school with their All-School Picnic. I did get a cupcake from one of the parents, a lot of the parents wished me a happy birthday and some of the kids, they were sweet. A bunch of well wishers from Facebook, well maybe not a lot of them after all.
I don’t know. People who I thought were close friends didn’t even bother to wish me a happy birthday…I would be a liar if I didn’t say it hurt. I mean, Facebook tells you it is my goddamn birthday. These are people I play games with all the time, except for when they ignore me, that happens sometimes…
My ex-boyfriend sent me a message wishing me a happy birthday and maybe it will rain today. He remembered that I love the rain and that it almost always rains on my birthday. How could someone I haven’t spoken to in a couple years can do it, what is the excuse for a person who I call my best friend? I think I have to downsize that friendship. I am done with chasing people, it hurts but I am not going to chase them anymore. I am done with casual acquaintances if I can even call them that…what is lower than that? That’s pretty much what I have in my life.
I don’t think I really have friends after all. I can’t think this is all in my head or even anxiety-induced; not when there is so much evidence to the contrary. I shouldn’t care and yet I cried on my birthday….
I know I am stronger than this and will be stronger in the end because of all this as well. Universe if you would like to stop testing me at anytime it would be greatly appreciated. Haven’t I been through enough yet? I guess there is nothing I can do but just play the hand that I am dealt with and hope for the best.